Memoirs of Transformation:
Jordan Cuttell
By Steve Williams
You never know how God will use the seeds you plant in someone’s life. Sometimes you don’t think there is a lot of change happening in a person, and you just serve them the best you know how and then you leave it to them and God and never expect to hear from them again. When Jordan Cuttell left TCAR I wasn’t sure how much he really got out of the experience. He didn’t give me the impression he was excited about God, or that he was sold out for sobriety, and it was clear he didn’t like being at TC. Jordan seemed like he was just going to make it through the program and probably go astray afterwards.
And he did just that, only worse than I expected. He relapsed on a pass and just never came back – dropping out of therapeutic services, high school, Christianity, and sobriety.
So I’ll never forget the day he called me nearly 2 years later. It was such a shocker of a phone call that, kind of like when the twin towers fell, I can tell you where I was and what I was doing when he called. I was driving a TC van full of kids after taking them to a youth group. We were in a drive-thru line at A&W getting root beer floats when the phone rang. I answered the phone while the cashier was handing me root beer floats:
Me: Hello?
Jordan: Hey Steve, this is Jordan Cuttell
Me <stunned and confused and excited>: …Jordan! What in the world! How are you man?
Jordan: oh I’m doing real good! The Lords done a major work in my life, bro!
Me: <not sure what to think> … Wow! That’s wonderful to hear!
Jordan: And what’s more, I have a mad love for TC, bro!
Me <brow wrinkled, trying to figure out if this is real or a prank or if he’s high right now>: Shut up! Are you serious?
Jordan: yeah! I really miss TC and I want to come see you guys.
You have to understand some things. Jordan’s disposition was such that it didn’t seem like Jordan liked many things at all, but certainly as a student it was no secret that he especially didn’t like being at TC. He was this sort of 17 year old crotchety old man, but hilarious and enjoyable and easy going in his own way. He did well in the sense that he knew how to behave and advance through the program. He even became a student leader. But for Jordan to say he “loved” TC and missed it was just as big of a shock to himself as it was to me. God really had done a work in his life and heart! And that’s why he’s been a great coworker at TCAR for 7 years now!
The Troubled Years
When he thinks about his childhood and how he got into trouble as an adolescent, Jordan can’t think of any major event that set him on the wrong path, but he can recognize a set of family dynamics that probably created a perfect storm for him to become an especially rebellious teenager:
“I was raised by 2 parents that loved me, but it was obvious they didn’t love each other. They stayed together for the sake of family, but it was a strange dynamic. It was probably the right thing to do because it allowed us kids to have at least some stability even in the chaos of their relationship. We didn’t have the drama of step-parents and custody battles, weekend visits and such things and I’m thankful for that…Dad was working a lot and mom really raised us, so she got the brunt of my childhood rebellion. At times I’d push her over the edge.”
Jordan noted that the lack of unity between the parents allowed for more manipulation of the one parent. He also thinks that not having a strong spousal relationship might have led mom to lean on the kids some for support and companionship which is a common mistake when a parent doesn’t have support and connection outside the kids, and that dynamic skews the boundaries.
“My time with dad as a child was fun, and since he didn’t have to be the disciplinarian we’d usually have a good time together. Then when I got older dad started helping more when I became too much for mom to handle. Around age 15 or 16 I wanted to be an adult before I was ready. I wanted to rid myself of authority. My parents tried to squash that in me and it made it worse. It was that time period where you are becoming a man but you’re not really a man yet.”
And wouldn’t you know it, around this same time Jordan began to get exposed to drugs and alcohol at school. He started smoking marijuana and liked it. He decided that’s what he wanted to do – just be a stoner. It started to become his identity, his “thing”. Jordan says, “I liked everything about it, especially the ritual and routine: tracking it down, packing it, using it, the high, the pizza, then Netflix.” It sounds like in some ways, marijuana ironically brought a sense of stability to a life that was feeling unstable. “I thought I’d do weed forever.” But weed does not really fix problems and often exacerbates them and becomes its own problem.
Soon, Jordan quit the football team, then baseball team, and Boy Scouts. This gave him more time to smoke and hang out with friends. But he was still into wrestling and he got more into that in freshman and sophomore years. Then one day, he pitted his rebellion against his dad by refusing to go to wrestling practice, insisting it should be a snow day. His dad tried to force Jordan to be faithful to his wrestling practice, so Jordan quit the team altogether. He regretted quitting, but he had to show dad he was going to do what he wanted, even if it’s not what he really wanted – teenage logic.
Later in his sophomore year, Jordan told his parents he’s leaving and not living at the house anymore. They called the cops and Jordan got brought back by a policewoman. Later Jordan was pulled over by a cop while his girlfriend was in the car, and after the girlfriend’s dad heard about it, he made his daughter quit seeing Jordan. Jordan was heartbroken. His high school sweetheart relationship was over.
“After that my parents didn’t have anything left to take from me when I would get in trouble. They tried, but there wasn’t much left that I cared about. Then one day in my junior year I got in a tussle with dad and I went to jail.”
D-Day
“My parents had already been looking into TC. So one morning in January, at 3am, I woke up and my family was at the house to help my parents get me into the car and take me to Arkansas. They got me in the car but I tried to jump out of the car at a stop sign. They outsmarted me and had the child lock on and they had my shoes and my uncle was in the backseat with me. Angry that I was going to Arkansas and that they outsmarted me, I attacked my dad.” I remember Jordan’s dad having a black eye when he showed up with Jordan at TC.
It was January 9, 2012. A significant day in Jordan’s life. He refused to comply with the program for a while. Eventually he got sick of people trying to talk to him, so he agreed to go on the camping trip, but he was not a happy camper. Jordan says there were no breakthroughs on that trip, but he knew God was trying to get hold of him.
“I had a relationship with God in my youth, but never really understood the relational aspect. TCAR taught me that part through chapels, listening to staff talk, watching them, learning about the Holy Spirit. Steve taught a class on hearing God, then Max did a chapel on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. He invited people who wanted to know more to stay longer, and I didn’t go but I listened to everything he said from my room. I realized I wanted that. I was pissed at God because I knew He wanted me here, but I didn’t want to be here.”
This is all news to me as I interview Jordan. I had no idea he got anything from chapels, from the Hearing God class, or that God was stirring his heart so. It’s another reminder – you never know the impact you’re having when you sow seed or water seed. It’s hilarious to hear now, over a decade later, how God was chasing Jordan right in front of me and I had no idea.
“When I was a kid, mom read all the Harry Potter books to me in an English accent. By the time I was 11 I was ready to go to Hogwarts. I even prayed, ‘Ok, God I’m ready for my letter!’ Six years later I’m wrestling with God about being at TC and I hear Him say, ‘Hey, you’re at your Hogwarts. Only, I’m giving you the real supernatural.’”
The plot thickened for Jordan when his old girlfriend got pregnant while Jordan was a student at TCAR. That was weighing on him during his last months in the program. Even though this baby wasn’t his biologically, he felt a responsibility and a connection. Later he went on a pass (home visit), had a fight with his parents and took off with his girlfriend. He cut everyone off and didn’t come back to TCAR. The trajectory of his life after that took a hard route, but God can do a lot with hard life experiences.
Coming to the end of himself
“I lived in a garage for a while, then in a trailer. I lived like an animal. I was doing drugs, selling drugs. My parents distanced themselves from me. They’d answer the phone, but they refused to enable me. I wasn’t making good choices, but I was learning.”
Jordan was influenced by the music he listened to and wanted to be a gangster. He literally prayed about killing a guy he was having issues with! It sounds like the miserable lifestyle, the chemical addictions, and the toxic music were leading to mental illness, but then God stepped in again.
“My mom would text me scriptures and prayers. I wished she’d just leave me alone. Then one day she invited me to a worship night, and I went because at TC I liked the worship nights. I thought, maybe if I go to worship night, I’ll get the blessing of God to murder this dude. I prayed at the worship night and heard God clearly: ‘Jordan, you’re right. He does deserve death, but so do you.’ I felt it all through my body and it changed my heart. I started seeking the Lord more. Eventually I ran out of weed. I started going to church and tithing on the money I made selling drugs. 5 days after running out of weed I realized I hadn’t smoked in 5 days and thought, ‘Well, I guess I’ll be sober now.’”
A few weeks later is when Jordan called me while I was handing A&W floats to TC kids. Soon after that he joined us on an alumni reunion trip on the Buffalo River. In August 2014, Jordan started an internship with TCAR. In 2015 he was hired full-time. He’s a great staff! Former students always make great staff. They are experts in patience and empathy and relatability. Since Jordan is big on self-discipline, he often tells the young men, “You can discipline yourself, or I can do it for you.”
Jordan says he “kinda” gave his life to the Lord while he was a student at TCAR, but it wasn’t until after that season of relapse that he surrendered to God In fact, when he first came to work at TC, I remember he made that distinction on a question on the job application that asked “how long have you been saved?”. He wrote, “Saved 5 years. Fully surrendered 2 years.” Anyone who makes that distinction is the real deal!
Even after his big turnaround and fully surrendering, Jordan experienced a relapse when another girl broke his heart. He thought he had found the Christian girl that God had picked out just for him, but when that didn’t work out, he found himself questioning God, resigning from TCAR, and returning to old coping methods. But God is good and relentless and didn’t leave Jordan, even when Jordan took a break from God. In fact, out of that season came some great things that have given Jordan the amazing family and ministry he has now!
Jordan baptized his wife in the pond at TCAR 5 years ago. It was a holy moment that we got to share with them.
Jordan married Jovita (Jojo) in 2018. They started dating when Jordan was relapsed and away from God, but when Jordan slowly came back to Jesus, JoJo got saved too. Then God brought Jordan full circle back to TCAR: “After I got married and my wife got saved and we had Milly, I was praying about where the Lord wanted me, and TC kept coming to mind. I told the Lord ‘I’m not applying for a job at TC, I left there on bad terms twice. If that’s where you want me, Justin [the director] will have to call me and tell me he wants me to come back.’”
About 2 weeks after that prayer, Justin felt a profound prompting from God to reach out to Jordan and invite him back into ministry. Although Justin wasn’t sure how Jordan was doing, he couldn’t ignore the pull of the Holy Spirit. Obviously, the call from Justin was a clear sign to Jordan that God himself was reinstating him. He returned to TCAR where he serves to this day as Outdoor Adventure Direct Care (he goes camping for a living!). And while he’s camping he’s sharing his experience and the reality of Jesus with the teenagers going through the program.
Another cool God-thing: Jojo and Jordan have raised Marleigh – the baby Jordan became a surrogate father for when he dropped out of TC as an 18-year-old. “I volunteered to be a dad for my girlfriend’s baby. At the time being a dad didn’t make sense, but God was standing outside of that moment. When I think about it, it brings me back to Romans 8:28, and that’s what happened – God used it all for good.” Marleigh is 11 years old now. Jordan and Jojo have had 3 more kids as well! They are all being raised in a healthy Christian home, and Jojo is doing a great job homeschooling the kids while sharing Jordan with his ministries.
In addition to ministering at TCAR, Jordan serves in the National Guard as an infantryman, and while we miss him when he is away at times, we are proud of his service to our country.
In his free time, Jordan enjoys working out and CrossFit (a hobby he picked up at TCAR). I often see him jogging laps around the campus with a weighted vest on. He also loves hunting and sometimes shares deer meat with me! His most recent hobby has been gardening. “My aspiration is to own my own home, grow and kill most my own food. All I want out of life is to be a hillbilly. I grew up a city boy, but I like being away, I like the silence, and I like being kinda self-sufficient.”
Jordan is no longer tempted to run from his problems and pain through drugs. I can barely remember this, but Jordan says I pointed out to him once when he was a teen that it was cowardly to avoid fixing his problems with his parents. He says that always stuck with him because he doesn’t want to be a coward! Jordan faces hard things in life now with courage. Things like losing friends to suicide or overdose or spending a year in Qatar away from his family. Life is not easy but trying to avoid hard emotions (cowardice) leads to drugs or alcohol or other avoidance tactics. With Jesus we can bravely face every experience and “grow” through it, not just “go” through it.
When asked what advice he has for students, Jordan says, “Write stuff down. It helps you process and retain stuff. Also, even if you fail, don’t be ashamed to talk about it with the Lord or admit to him your failure.” To parents, Jordan says, “Your kid is going to have failures and ups and downs. Our job isn’t to completely reform someone, literally our only job is to sow seed. Some of those will take root.”
There is much to learn from Jordan’s life: relapse can often be part of recovery; God can use our failures when we turn back to Him; God meets us where we are and works with us in our jacked-up situations; and you never know how much God is doing in someone’s life even if you don’t see it in the moment. My favorite lesson from Jordan’s journey is the profound impact of fully committing to God. A half-hearted Christian life is arguably not even Christian at all. It’s not until full surrender that the born again experience really takes off and we truly begin living.
